Dusseldorf Seminar

With a great pleasure I had my seminar, Treasure Inside in Dusseldorf with my longtime friend Dr Sara Pashaie. Wonderful experience with awesome audience.

Creating a Healthy Relationship with Yourself

1 Spend time getting to know yourself. Think about what drives and motivates you, your likes and dislikes, and your strengths and weaknesses. We tend to look outward to figure out our own tastes, ideas, goals, and pursuits, from gossip around the watercooler at work to Facebook posts and Instagram likes in the palm of our hands. But the more you understand yourself on an honest and real level, the easier it will be to like and respect yourself for who you are, rather than who you think you are according to other people, trends and circumstances in your life. 

• Get a pen and a piece of paper or your journal and consider prompts like, "Things I like", "Who I am right now", and "What would I tell my 99 year old self? Write down your answers and then read them over. These prompts should help you delve deeper into getting to know yourself.
• One on one therapy, as well as lifestyle workshops and clinics can help you develop a deeper self awareness. Investigate the various self development services available to you in your area, or online.

2

Think about your relationships with other people. Consider how you interact with the people in your life, from your partner or your loved ones, to casual acquaintances and strangers on the street. Your attitude towards others reflects back on your sense of self, and good relationships in your life can serve as models for how to be your own best friend.

• Write down the names of the people you consider important in your life, and why they are important to you. Think about questions like, "Why am I grateful to have these individuals in my life?" and "What would these individuals say at my funeral?"

3

Set achievable goals for yourself.Rather than rely on others to set goals and expectations for you, create and set reasonable goals for yourself. These goals can range from small changes in your life like doing the dishes and organizing your space to larger and more challenging ones like taking a public speaking class or applying for a desirable new position or career role. By setting yourself up so you meet your own expectations, you can take control of what you expect from yourself and feel good when you achieve each goal.

• To determine how achievable your goals are, consider questions like: "Is my goal specific?","Can I measure my goal?" and "Is my goal relevant to my desires and my life?"
• Keep track of your goals in a journal or diary. As you keep track of your progress, finish each entry with a positive affirmation like "I approve of myself" to reinforce personal recognition of your achievements.

Enjoying Your Own Company

1

Get out of your comfort zone. Changing your normal routines and settings or taking yourself out of your norm completely can help you get to know yourself better.

• Take a solo trip to a foreign country or place. Solo travel is a great way to place yourself in a situation where you are navigating a new, different environment and experiencing being alone for an extended period of time. You will also have to develop strong independence and self reliance, as well as an openness to the different attitudes and customs of others.
• If you aren't ready for drastic alone time in a foreign country, going for a short walk around your neighborhood alone or minimizing the distractions you have access to in your home and daily life can give help you embrace change. Even small shifts in your normal routine can allow you to challenge yourself and get to know yourself better.

2

Develop daily interests you can enjoy doing alone. Cultivating a hobby you can enjoy alone or an activity that involves just you is a good way to get use to your own company and appreciate it.

• Solo activities like fishing, knitting, surfing, writing, reading, or even meditation will deepen your understanding of yourself and create meaningful alone time. It will also help you cultivate self-love, an important factor to being your own best friend.

3

Go on a date with yourself. We have been conditioned to enjoy ourselves in the company of others, but not in the company of ourselves. So it's important to learn how to have fun alone, whether it's movie and dinner or live music and a beer.

• A solo date night out will help you enjoy your own company in a positive way. Without the distraction of someone else sitting across from you, you may find you pay more attention to the movie or the band, or that you are more aware of your own opinions and perspectives on the environment around you.

4

Make sure you treat yourself. All that special attention and affection you receive from a best friend? You also have the exact same power to do the same for yourself.

• Enjoy a relaxing massage, buy flowers for yourself, or a special gift. Random acts of kindness illustrate you love and respect yourself.

5

Compliment yourself and mean it. In their seminal 1974 book, How to Be Your Own Best Friend^[14], psychologists Mildred Newman and Bernard Berkowitz discuss the value of self worth during the process of becoming a good friend to yourself. They recommend: “when you do something you are proud of, dwell on it a little, praise yourself for it, relish the experience, take it in.”^[ By acknowledging your self worth and cultivating inner value, you are taking control of what makes you feel good. Rather than try to fit your choices and decisions into what someone else defines as successful or powerful, turn inward and acknowledge that you have value and meaning in the world. Don't wait for someone else to recognize your self worth.

• Complimenting yourself helps you focus on the positive aspects of your day rather than the negative. Avoid negative self-talk like calling yourself names and putting yourself down. Instead, work on positive self talk until it becomes a habit.^[17]
• A good best friend will have a good sense of humor, so have a good-natured attitude towards yourself and the things you say, think, and do. By being positive and supportive of yourself, you won't take yourself too seriously and will be able to laugh at yourself in a healthy, helpful way.

6

Work on improving your friendship everyday. Whether you note any improvements or adjustments to your relationship with yourself by writing down your thoughts and challenges in a diary or journal or if you make mental notes of your journey to self discovery, it's a good idea to track your progress as you develop your friendship with yourself.

• Notice if your sense of independence, self worth, and self love are positively affecting your other relationships, and helping you to achieve your goals. Consider if your fear of being alone has lessened and if you can now fully enjoy your own company.

10 Tips to Start Living in the Present

“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.”

One of the best, unforeseen consequence of simplifying our lives is it has allowed us to begin living our lives in the present. Eliminating nonessential possessions has freed us from many of the emotions associated with past lives that were keeping us stuck. And clearing our home has allowed us the freedom to shape our lives today around our most important values.

Choosing to live in the past or the future not only robs you of enjoyment today, it robs you of truly living. The only important moment is the present moment. With that goal in mind, consider this list of ten tips below to start living your life in the present:

1. Remove unneeded possessions. Minimalism forces you to live in the present. Removing items associated with past memories or lives frees us up to stop living in the past and start living in the present.

2. Smile. Each day is full of endless possibilities! Start it with a smile. You are in control of your attitude every morning, keep it optimistic and expectant.

3. Fully appreciate the moments of today. Soak in as much of today as you possibly can – the sights, the sounds, the smells, the emotions, the triumph, and the sorrow.

4. Forgive past hurts. If you are harboring resentment towards another human being because of past hurts, choose to forgive and move on. The harm was their fault. But allowing it to impact your mood today is yours.

5. Love your job. If you just “survive” the workweek constantly waiting for the next weekend “to get here,” you are wasting 71% of your life (5 out of 7 days). there are two solutions: 1) find a new job that you actually enjoy (it’s out there), or 2) find something that you appreciate about your current career and focus on that rather than the negatives.

6. Dream about the future, but work hard today. Dream big. Set goals and plans for the future. But working hard today is always the first step towards realizing your dreams tomorrow. Don’t allow dreaming about tomorrow to replace living in today.

7. Don’t dwell on past accomplishments. If you are still talking about what you did yesterday, you haven’t done much today.

8. Stop worrying. You can’t fully appreciate today if you worry too much about tomorrow. Realize that tomorrow is going to happen whether you worry about it or not. And since worry has never accomplished anything for anybody, redirect your mental energy elsewhere.

9. Think beyond old solutions to problems. Our world is changing so fast that most of yesterday’s solutions are no longer the right answers today. Don’t get locked into a “but that’s how we’ve always done it” mentality. Yesterday’s solutions are not today’s solutions and they are certainly not tomorrow’s solutions.

10. Conquer addictions. Addictions in your life hold you hostage. They keep you from living a completely free life today. Find some help. Take the steps. And remove their influence over your life.

If you can only live one moment at a time, you might as well make it the present.

by JOSHUA BECKER

Got Fear? Here’s How to Work Through It

While many fears, like a fear of heights or of fire, are designed to save our lives, other fears can hold you back and prevent you from achieving (and enjoying) success.

In extreme cases, fear of failure, change, or risks can have a debilitating effect on your business, too.

Your company could get stuck in a rut, because you’re unwilling to try something new or face a challenge head-on.

Here’s how to overcome fear and unleash the courageous spirit within.

Separate rational and irrational fears.

It’s OK to feel a few butterflies before an important interview. Or to dread going to the dentist, because you might need a root canal or a cavity filled. Those are totally rational fears.

But if those fears overwhelm you and cause you to avoid giving presentations or going to the dentist, then you may have a problem.

And if you’re worried that sidewalk will open up and swallow you or that you’ll pick up a deadly virus in an airplane, then those are irrational fears.

Things like that are highly unlikely, so waste the time and energy worrying about it?

Visualize your desired outcome.

Let’s say you were invited to give an on-camera interview for a major TV network but you were worried about how you’ll look or sound.But the payoff for giving this interview could be pretty good. You could get great publicity out of it and possibly land other interview, consulting, or speaking opportunities. Your business could really take off as a result.

And if your worst fear comes true and you flub the interview, well, your fifteen minutes of fame will be soon be forgotten and you can move on.It’s possible that the network might pull the interview (worst case) or you just won’t post the video on your website. Plus, while you might not like how your hair looks or your voice sounds, plenty of people will be impressed anyway. It’s worth doing, because the potential outcome far outweighs any potential pitfalls.

Try something small that scares you.

Another strategy is to perform small tasks that scare you to get into that mindset.

Fear of roller-coasters or bungie jumping probably won’t have a negative impact on your business, but conquering those fears can boost your confidence and make you feel empowered to tackle other fears.

So try ziplining, whitewater rafting, snowboarding, deep sea diving, ballroom dancing, or whatever else gets your heart racing.Even trying an unfamiliar food can help train your brain that new things needn’t be scary.

Face your fear!

Once you’ve tried conquering other fears and visualized your desired outcome, at some point, you’ll need to face the thing that scares you most.

Take a few deep, cleansing breaths, then jump in. You’ll often feel a tremendous sense of relief once you’re safely on the other side.

Successful entrepreneurs balance pragmatism with a willingness to face the unknown and take calculated risks. Overcoming fears and embracing new things will help take your business to the next level and enrich your personal life.

By Ali Brown

The Power of Brainstorming.

 J.R.R. Tolkien, C.S. Lewis and others discussed religious and literary ideas and their own works in progress in a famed discussion group, the Inklings, which met regularly at Lewis’ college rooms at Oxford or in pubs, in the 1930s and 40s.

Of course, writers groups, support groups based on Julia Cameron’s classic book The Artist’s Way, and similar gatherings still enable creative collaboration and feedback from others.

Psychologist Paul Paulus has researched the value of group ‘brainwriting’ in which “group members write their ideas on paper and pass them to others in the group who then add their own ideas to the list,” as writer Amy Novotney summarizes.

She adds that in a study led by Paulus, “an interactive group of brainwriters produced 28 percent more possible uses for a paper clip than a similar group of solitary brainwriters. This may be because group members tend to build off one another’s ideas, leading to increased creativity and innovation. The effects of group brainwriting may even extend to groups that collaborate via e-mail, Paulus notes.”

The Power of Playfulness: Learn To Play- Its Fun and Good For You

Children are supposed to play, adults are not. As an adult, we are conditioned to behave and conform to the standards of society; they tell us to walk without running, keep our voice controlled, don’t disrupt, don’t climb, don’t jump, don’t shout, and the list goes on and on. Most people actually believe this is what qualifies a person to be an adult and a proper, socialized citizen. By upholding this belief, the majority of adults become rigid, unyielding- cutting play and imagination almost completely out of their lives. Yet play is the ultimate new behavior generator. It is a boundless resource for creativity and experimentation. If I am talking to somebody and ask them sincerely to try something they may feel uncomfortable or fearful of performing that activity, or answering the questions. As soon as I rephrase the request and say, “Imagine or pretend to know the answer…” By putting the word, imagine, in front of the question, I am inviting a mental shift and encouraging play and imagination to take place, thereby changing the emotional state of that person. Now, that person feels free to explore without self doubts and fears holding them back. This is the power of play.

I frequently run into people that say, “Oh, I can’t learn that, I’m too old.” Another comment that I frequently hear is, “Children learn much faster then adults, the adult brain just isn’t capable of soaking up information the way a kid’s brain is.” Well, if you believe that, then it certainly is true for you, but I don’t. In fact, people frequently tell me that I learn extremely quickly and my response is, “I learn faster, better, and smarter now than I ever did before. “ In part this is due to my personal philosophy and attitude towards learning and the relationship between play and learning.

Play allows me to experiment, be creative, lighthearted and carefree. I was teaching my boss, a serious man of 60 years of age, how to use his new laptop. He was listening to me and cautiously moving the mouse around the screen, following my instructions. The entire process of teaching him the basics of a program were excruciatingly slow because he was unable to get past his fear of ruining or screwing something up. Caution overtook curiosity and excitement, and the result was a very difficult and tedious learning process. If I was to put a playful adult in his stead, yes such a species does exist, that person would be jumping all over the menus, pushing all the buttons and rapidly exploring the new computer options. If you have forgotten how, it’s never too late to re-learn how to play, it’s easy, it’s natural, and scientists are starting to learn that is necessary for development. Learn to cultivate a playful and curious attitude towards new and familiar things; it’s the best recipe for staying young, active, and smart.

How to Find Your Life Purpose: An Unconventional Approach

Let’s say you’re feeling unmotivated, unsure of yourself, aimless, can’t find your passion, directionless, not clear on what your purpose in life is.

You’re in good company — most people are in the same boat.

Now, there about a million things online telling you how to find your passion in life, and that’s a good thing. It’s a search worth undergoing.

I’m not going to give you a fool-proof method, or a 5-step method, nor share my passion manifesto with you today.

I’m going to give you a one-step method.

However, that one step is a doozy.

The One Step to Finding Your Purpose

It’s simply this: learn to get outside your personal bubble.

Your personal bubble is the small world you live in (we all have one), where you are the center of the universe. You are concerned with your wellbeing, with not wanting to look bad, with succeeding in life, with your personal pleasure (good food, good music, good sex, etc.).

This is the bubble we all live in most of the time, and people who say they don’t are trying to prove something.

When someone tells you you look fat, this only hurts because you’re in your personal bubble. You take that statement (a colleague who says you look fat) and believe that it’s about you, and feel the pain or embarrassment of how the statement affects you. It matters a lot, because in your bubble, what matters most is how everything affects you personally.

I’m the same way, and so is everyone else.

Some other problems caused by this personal bubble:

• In our bubble, we’re concerned with our pleasure and comfort, and try not to be uncomfortable. This is why we don’t exercise, why we don’t only eat healthy food.
• This fear of being uncomfortable is also why we get anxious at the thought of meeting strangers. It hampers our social lives, our love lives.
• Because we don’t want to look bad, we are afraid of failing. So we don’t tackle tough things.
• We procrastinate because of this fear of failing, this fear of discomfort.
• When someone does or says something, we relate that event with how it affect us, and this can cause anger or pain or irritation.
• We expect people to try to give us what we want, and when they don’t, we get frustrated or angry.

Actually, pretty much all our problems are caused by this bubble.

Including the difficulty in finding our life purpose. But more on that in a minute — I ask for your patience here, because this is important.

What Happens When We Get Out of the Bubble

If we can learn to get outside this personal bubble, and see things from a less self-centered approach, we can see some amazing things:

• When someone says or does something, it’s not really about us — it’s about pain or fear or confusion they’re feeling, or a desire they have. Not us.
• When we have an urge for temporary pleasure (TV, social media, junk food, porn), we can see that this urge is a simple passing physical sensation, and not the center of the universe.
• We can start to see that our personal desires are actually pretty trivial, and that there’s more to life than trying to meet our pleasures and shy from our discomfort. There’s more than our little fears. Including: the pain and suffering of other people, and compassion for them. Compassion for all living beings. Wanting to make the world better.
• We can tie our daily actions, like learning about how our minds and bodies and habits work, or getting healthy, or creating something, not only to our personal satisfaction and success (trivial things) but to how they help others, how they make the lives of others better, how they might lessen the suffering of others.

We become less self-centered, and begin to have a wider view. Everything changes, from letting go of fear and anger and procrastination, to changing our habits and finding work that matters.

How does this relate to finding our life purpose? Let’s explore that.

The Wider View, and Our Life Purpose

Once we get out of the bubble, and see things with a wider view, we can start a journey along a path like this:

1. We can start to see the needs of others, and feel for their suffering.
2. We then work to make their lives better, and lessen their suffering.
3. Even if we aren’t good at that, we can learn skills that help us to be better at it. It’s the intention that matters.
4. As we go about our daily work, we can tie our actions to this greater purpose. Learning to program or become healthy (for example) isn’t just for our betterment, but for the betterment of others, even in a small way. This gives us motivation on a moment-to-moment basis. When we lose motivation, we need to get back out of our bubble, shed our concern for our discomfort and fears, and tie ourselves to a bigger purpose.

In this path, it doesn’t matter what specific actions you take or skills you learn to make people’s lives better. What career you choose is not important — what matters is the bigger purpose. You can always change your career and learn new skills later, as you learn other ways to fulfill this purpose. You’ll learn over time.

What matters is becoming bigger than yourself. Once you do, you learn that you have a purpose in life.

How to Get Out of the Bubble

Sounds great, but getting outside this personal bubble isn’t as easy as just saying, “Let it be so.” It takes work.

First, you must see when you’re stuck in the bubble. Whenever you’re angry, frustrated, irritated, fearful, anxious, procrastinating, feeling hurt, wishing people would be different … you’re in the bubble. These are signs. You are at the center of your universe, and everything is relating to you and your feelings. When you can’t stick to habits, or have a hard time with a diet, you’re in the bubble. Your momentary pleasure is what matters in this bubble. Outside the bubble, they’re just little events (sensations of desire, urges) that can be let go of.

Second, when you notice that you’re in the bubble, expand your mind and heart. See the bigger picture. Feel what others must be feeling. Try to understand rather than condemning. See how little and petty your concerns and fears have been. Realize that if others treat you badly, it’s not about you, but about their suffering.

Third, wish others well. Genuinely want their happiness, just as you want your own happiness. See their suffering and wish for it to end or lessen.

Fourth, see how you can help. How can you lessen the suffering of others? Sometimes it’s just by paying attention, just listening. Other times you just need to be there, just lend a hand. You don’t need to go around solving everyone’s problems — they probably don’t want that. Just be there for them. And see if you can make people’s lives better — create something to make them smile. Make one little part of their world — a cup of tea, an article of clothing you’ve sewn — be a little space of goodness.

Repeat this process multiple times a day, and you’ll get better at it.

You’ll learn to be bigger than yourself. You’ll learn that the life we’ve been given is a gift, and we must make the most of it, and not waste a second. You’ll learn that there is nothing more fulfilling than making the lives of others a little better.

By Leo Babauta